Umm Iceland, Ever Heard Of It?

Tell me the truth, do you even know the difference between Skokagfoss and Svartifoss? Be honest. Yea, that’s what I thought. You probably think Dettifoss is something your dentist asks you if you’ve been keeping up on when you get a check up. You probably think Hallgrimiskirkja is someone passing out on a keyboard. You probably think the golden circle is something you can pay Russian hookers to do on your bed. You probably think there’s somewhere else to travel other than Iceland.

Have you ever been to Cesky Krumlov in Iceland? Oh yea really? Cuz it’s in Hungary, so way to make an ass of yourself. That’s hilarious. Omg, did you actually believe it was in Hungary?? Wow, you really are helpless. Have you even HEARD of Iceland? I mean THE Iceland. The one from Instagram?

You’re probably one of THOSE people who think that Iceland is colder than New York in the winter. Even thought it totally isn’t. My tour guide said so, and he would have told you so too if you had ever been there. Have you even heard of tour guides? I’d guess not. It’s kind of an Iceland thing.

If someone asked you what Hakarl smelled like, you’d probably say human feces. Which is so wrong it’s laughable. Honestly it’s probably offensive to Icelandic people. Because they know, like everyone else who knows anything about Iceland, that it smells unmistakably like coughed-up antifreeze dipped in rubber cement shoved down a dead cat’s throat. I mean, this is really Iceland 101. Have you ever heard of it? Do you know anything?

Don’t be complacent with your own ignorance. Read a book. About Iceland. Have a conversation with a stranger. About Iceland. Do charity work. In Iceland. Start living with some self respect. Wake up every morning and tell yourself, “You know what? I belong in Iceland. I deserve Iceland. I’m worth Iceland.” Even though, clearly, you’re not. Even remotely. And if that comes off sounding cold and distant, then there’s a certain near-arctic island nation you’ve obviously never been to.