Looks Like Someone Got Bitten By The Travel Bug!! And It May Have Laid Eggs In Your Esophagus

Well look what we’ve got here! It seems someone’s been bit by the old travel bug! And by the looks of it, the insect laid several pods of eggs inside your esophagus. Welcome to the club, fellow explorer!

I’ve noticed your Instagram feed getting a bit more exotic than usual lately. I saw that pic you posted from Gorges Du Verdon the other month, and then the Snapchat on a beach in Nicaragua last week! You are really getting around! I also noticed a large, moist sack of eggs protruding from your neck. Judging by the yellow discoloration, I’d say you have a bout 16 days until they hatch.

Also why didn’t you tell me you visited India recently?? I’m guessing it was Goa? I know you didn’t post anything about it, but I’m just assuming since the West Indian genus of travel bug tends to bite its victims in vulnerable regions like the neck, armpit and groin. That and you’ve always been a beach bum!

To be honest I’m jealous of you. There’s nothing like first discovering the joys of traveling the world. Each new destination inspiring you to see countless others, every sunset seemingly more beautiful than the last, increasingly blurred vision through your left eye as the insect’s neurotoxin reaches your visual cortex. Once you get the itch to explore, it’s truly hard to stop! Although you really shouldn’t itch the actual bite mark to avoid permanent scaring and lesions.

Anyways, I’m super excited for you! Get ready for a lifetime of incredible experiences, unforgettable people, and and unimaginable pain once the acidic amniotic fluid leaks into your digestive tract. If you get out of quarantine soon we should meet up on the road! Until then, hydrate!