The Best Drones For Fucking Up Everyone Else’s Sunset
Drones. With their remarkable ability to push the limits of photography, uncover new perspectives, and literally make you feel above other people, these high-tech invasions of privacy have basically become required packing for any self respecting traveler. And picking the right one for your next trip can be overwhelming. Keep in mind though, that whether you’re touring ancient ruins, relaxing on the beach, or going back to Milwaukee for you Dad’s arraignment, there’s one thing you’ll always need your drone to be adept at: Completely ruining everyone else’s sunset.
Well worry not. The drone experts here at Jetlag Millionaire have rigorously tested every model, flown evert obstacle course, “accidentally” crashed into someone’s twilight Corona bucket and set fire to their towel in the subsequent explosion, and we have come up with the following list of perfect drones for destroying the peaceful end to everyone else’s day.
Such a waste. Not a deafening spy-copter in sight.
Better Seen AND Heard: DJI Hedgehog Pro Mk IV
The rustling of the leaves, the lapping of the waves, the unsettlingly violent and tortured roar of an army of sexually assaulted bees. What the Hedgehog Pro lacks in portability, it more than makes up for in pure sonic onslaught. The latest Hedgehog Pro model improved on the last iteration by adding an extra 4 propellers, bringing the drone’s grand total to 16. This is of course wonderful for those looking for increased maneuverability, but even better for those looking to induce PTSD in any sunset-viewing veteran within 2 square miles. It’s a noise so piercing you won’t even be able to remember hearing the charges filed against your father in Milwaukee, much less enjoy the majestic display of nature before you.
Mr. Longevity: Ambarella Soarnicator 1600
Not all sunsets are created equal. Much like time bombs, cars, and sexual encounters, some last longer than others before blowing up and making a mess everywhere. If you’re enjoying a Scanidavian summer, you’re looking at sunsets in the 4-5 hour range if they even finish at all (it’s not you, it just happens sometimes). That’s a lot of pre-dusk spectacle to ruin, and your drone is going to need the battery to match. Enter the Ambarella Soarnicator. With the best battery life on the market, this soltice-proof sunset-disgracer will be bobbing in and out of other people’s carefully framed shots for hours on end.
Nice try, Norwegian sunsets. This battery is built for the midnight sun.
The Ray Of Light: AeroVironment Beacon S12
Imagine you’re in the mountains, or cruising along a winding river, or overlooking the Milwaukee skyline wondering if somewhere deep down the same darkness lives inside you. Then all of a sudden, right as the setting sun is bringing you some much needed solace, a flash of red light, so bright you swear you can hear it, sears your retinas and leaves you a crumpled, sobbing mess. That’s what AeroVironment’s Beacon S12 brings to the table with a handy LED “on” light that blinks it’s ominous blood-red hue so bright it has been known to throw commercial airliners off course. So yeah, registering on your neighbor’s ISO setting shouldn’t be an issue. Don’t let a sunset’s dusky final act camouflage your drone into unobtrusive obscurity. Use the Beacon’s customizable flash pattern feature, set that sucker to “Erratic Nightmare Strobe”, and watch your slice of shoreline change it’s name to Seizure Beach in no time.
These were our favorites, but when it comes to fucking up other people’s sunsets, the possibilities are truly endless. And with forthcoming drone innovations like built-in soundsystems, 3D projectors, and the ability to carry giant mirrors, on the not-to-distant horizon, the future is literally looking brighter than ever. Now get out there, seize the end of day, and fuck up someone else’s sunset.
